Sticks: Kane

Showing posts with label Kane. Show all posts

Sunday, July 14, 2013

And the Winners Are

The 2013 Swords and Sticks NHL Award Winners have been named. Congratulations to all the nominees, it is a GREAT honor...oh, who the fuck am I kidding? Let's just get on with it.

The Ned Stark Award: Most Missed in 2013: Patrick Kane's Mouth Guard

I don't really even know what to say about this. Seriously...but yeah, I miss it too. Sigh...

The Bran Stark Award: Hottest Rookie: Alex Galchenyuk

Wow, I feel really, really old and really, really creepy right now.

The Tyrion Lannister Award: Hottest Defenseman: Kevin Bieksa

My name is Saucer and I support this message. Kevin Bieksa is fucking HOT. Plus he gave my kid a puck last season...in Dallas...and she was wearing a Modano jersey. He instantly became my forever-favorite Canuck.

The Arya Stark Award: Hottest Forward: Maxim Lapierre

Damn Max. Hot, hot, hot. Good luck in St. Louis. While I was sad for our friend and frequent guest blogger Lisa, I was also happy for myself because by moving to the Blues Saucer will see Mr. Lapierre much more frequently. And yeah, it's all about me.

The Drogon the Dragon Award: Hottest Goalie: Henrik Lundqvist

See you in Vegas King Henrik #FrozenFury

The King Joffrey Award: Dirtiest Player: Raffi Torres

The people have spoken. Saucer thinks Bertuzzi should have been in this, but she's just never going to get over that one. Never. Ever.

The Robb Stark Award: Worst Injury: Marc Staal

I really can't even watch this anymore. Hugs Marc, lots and lots of hugs.

The Jamie/Brienne vs the Bear Award: Best Fight: Jamie Benn & Joe Thornton

So we go from a video I can't stand to watch to one I could watch all fucking day. And the all-around-best hockey twitter account, @DallasStars, got a little snarky with the Sharks this week. Well played Stars.

The Theon Greyjoy Award: Hottest Player on a Team You Hate: Ryan Kesler

So Kes didn't actually have the most votes in this category but since Tyler Seguin was traded to the Stars and the Blues picked up Max Lapierre, I disqualified their hot asses. Because really, do that many people hate the Stars and Blues?

The Jamie Lannister Award: Player You’d Most Like to Punch in the Face and Then Make Out With: Alex Burrows

OK, so Saucer may have voted a few times in this category but she really, really wants to punch Alex Burrows and at the same time really, really wants to make out with him. Sorry, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

The Loras Tyrell Award: Best Flow: Scott Hartnell

Fuck yeah, Scott Hartnell has the best hair in the NHL! Although if Mike Commodore would get called up he'd give Hartsy a run for his money!

The Margaery Tyrell Award: Best Playoff Beard: Patrick Kane

So wait, in 2013 Patrick Kane was nominated for the Lady Byng and won the S&S NHL Award for Best Playoff Beard? If you had said that last summer I would have laughed in your stupid face. Oh how a year can change things (take note Segs, and chin up).

The Olyvar the Squire Award: Best Ass: Jonathan Toews

Wanna thank your mother for a butt like that. God DAMN Jonny Toews, that is one nice ass. Oh, and to the ONE person who voted for Sidney Crosby...please go away. We don't like your kind here.

The John Snow Award: Best Abs: Ryan Kesler

I once said Ryan Kesler was the hottest of ALL American men. Leonardo DiCaprio is a close second but Kes looks good and we appreciate how often he shows off that stomach. Very nice Mr. Kesler.

The Daenerys Targaryen... Best Nickname: Kevin Bieksa

As much as I like Juice, I was pulling for Andrew Shaw on this one because every time I hear they call him Mutt it just makes me laugh!

The Renly & Loras Award: Best Bromance: Patrick Kane & Jonathan Toews

The pictures say it all - these two are just too adorable for words.

So thanks everybody for voting and congrats to our winners!!

Kisses!

~ Saucer

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Hawks Win!!

So yeah, voting was supposed to start for the 2013 Swords and Stick NHL Awards on Friday but I was way too distracted with the finals. So...voting will start this Friday, June 28. Apologies for the delay.

But let's talk about what is important. First, Hawks win!!!! WOO HOO!!! Second, light-of-my-life, Patrick Kane, won the Conn Smythe!!! WOO HOO!!!!

Ok, moving on. Who do you think the Avs will take for their number one pick?? I'm still expecting a last minute trade - I think to Vancouver - for Alex Burrows and a pick. What? That is only in my dreams and completely unrealistic? Oh, OK then, never mind. How about those Hawks??

Kisses!
~Saucer

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Saucer...aka...The Hawk Whisperer

So, let me tell you a few things that happened tonight. This will include a bit of a reveal, a bit of a confession, and a whole lot of ridiculous.

1. This happened. Disclaimer: I'm not trying to be secretive here, if anybody wants to know my personal twitter account, just email me or DM me on @swordsandsticks. But I have pictures of my kid on my personal twitter and I'm embarrassing as hell on a good day, so for her mental health (someday she'll be really, really mortified by this site) I think it's better if her picture isn't on here.

In case you weren't watching the time of the goals...see below. Then compare above. Yes, I'm in the Central time zone.

2. And yeah, Patrick scored twice in regulation. Oh wait, I said he looked sexy twice. Hmmm....

3. OK, now for the confession. All of this OT could have been avoided. Well, sigh...this is really awful to admit. But...I stopped watching the game and went and saw the movie Now You See Me. I know, I know! But listen, I have a four year old and I never get to have a date night. Babysitters are a freakin hot commodity here in Tarrant county! Hockey gods, I'm so, so sorry.

4. But then I posted this:

And what the fuck happened??? The always delicious Patrick Kane scored a hatty!!!!

So yes, Saucer really is the Hawk Whisperer. And to make things even crazier, Saucer, the shiny new Chicago Blackhawks good luck charm, will be in Boston June 17 and 18 for work. Coincidence, or do I just want you to think it's a coincidence???? #goseethemovie

Kisses!
~ Saucer

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Hawks, Vegas, and Roy

Wow, I don't really know what to say about the game last night. The goal/no-goal fiasco at the end of the third was beyond ridiculous but it's over so I've moved on. But who the hell would have guessed Seabs would score the winning goal and cement himself as a game 7 hero?? I would have thrown down money on Tazer, Kaner, Sharpie, Hossa, Duncs, Saad, Shaw...WOW I guess I would have guessed half the team over Seabs. So thanks for proving me wrong buddy, I won't doubt you again!

So...Saucer already has her tickets to Frozen Fury - September 27 & 28 in Vegas, baby!! Let's talk about this for a moment. This year, two games: Rangers/Kings and Avalanche/Kings. I don't usually get to see much of the Rangers so I welcome the idea of more drooling over King Henrik. Plus bonus for two nights of Richie. But the real reason I'm going is the same --- Varly!!!

So by now everybody (on this planet at least) is aware that Roy is the new head coach of my Avalanche. Yeah, I don't know what to think. On one hand I'm super excited. I just know he's going to get into a fight, I just KNOW it! I'm just unsure whether it will be with another coach or a player. On the other hand I worry about my sweet Varly. I don't want Roy to turn him into a psycho or break his sweet spirit. But there is one thing I'm certain on: I will fly to Denver just to see Roy scowl at Brodeur when they play the Devils. FUCK.YEAH. Every team in every arena is amazing and it's just one more thing I love about the realignment.

I'd like to end with this one thought: Patrick Motherfucking Kane, I want to lick the stripes on your mullet.

Kisses!

~ Saucer

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Saucer's Back, Bitch!

I've been MIA for a while now. Many, many apologies to all. I promise not to pull that shit again, Saucer's back, bitch!

So what has Saucer been up to the past few months? Well, here is a breakdown:

Somehow Saucer became a full-blown Dallas Stars fan. Fuck, that wasn't supposed to happen. She was only supposed to cheer for the Stars when it didn't impact the Avalanche, right? Well, did you see any Avs games this season?? There is nothing the Stars could have done to drop the Avs any more in the standings so Saucer found herself cheering for the Stars pretty much non-stop. And yes, the season tickets were renewed.
Sexy boy Varlamov looked so ridiculously hot when the Avs played in Dallas, Saucer could barely contain herself as she jumped around in her #1 jersey. Then he got pulled. Poor Varly.
Saucer got really close, no like REALLY close, to getting in fights with other fans during Stars games this year. One was during 2nd time the Blackhawks were in Dallas and the other was during the Avs game. Saucer barely kept herself in check but maybe, just maybe, called some bitch a fucking whore and tried to kick a stupid frat boy down the stairs at AAC. Maybe.
Old crush update:

Richie: God I'd like to punch him in the face as I make out with him. Such a pest...suck a sexy fucking pest.
Varly: Oh, I just want to hug him. His season was SO AWESOME to start, then his team let him down and he just went downhill. Next season will be better sweetie. (As long as Roy doesn't become coach and beat the shit out of him every day)
Danny B: Oh Danny Boy! He was hurt so much and now all these awful rumors/predictions that the Flyers are going to use a compliance buyout on him. Sigh. Danny, please come to Dallas. Saucer will take care of you and you would look smokin hot in a Stars uniform.
Kaner: Yeah, the mullet is back (yikes) but so are his filthy passes and ridiculously sexy goals. And he even might even seem to be just slightly less grumpy than he was at the start of the season! I will admit the Lady Byng nomination made him just slightly less appealing. Huh? You think that is weird? Well, there was something about all his drama that I found slightly endearing. Now he's all grown up and acting like Jonny-bot Part II. But if it means I can watch him get ridiculously drunk during another Cup-winning parade, well, it will be all worth it. And I am kidding (a little) and really do want Kaner to win the Lady Byng. I also want him to wear that rude, offensive shirt from Madison when he accepts the award.

New crush update:

Ok, before I say it I want everybody to shut up. Seriously, just shut up! Saucer maybe has a little crush on Alex Burrows. There, I said it. Yes, i said it in tiny font, but I said it nonetheless. My last blog post mentioned I was maybe starting to crush on Burrows but then, THEN, he had to get on freakin twitter. Yup, it's all over now.
Alex Galchenyuk: yeah, not so new either, is it? I think this crush may have started during World Juniors. Well, to top it off he retweeted a pic his sister had tweeted of him (damn that was confusing) and he is laughing and wearing shorts to show off those HUGE thighs. Yeah, no going back after that. It really isn't even that bad. Saucer acts like a 19 year old, so it's not even creepy, right? RIGHT??
Antoine Roussel: Feisty, hot, and showed more heart than anybody else on the Stars team. He's most definitely my favorite Star and really the overall Dallas favorite in the Saucer house.
Jamie Benn: I still think that video of Benn fighting Thornton is the hottest thing I've ever seen. When he flips his hair back...well goddamn Jamie Benn!!

So that's where we're at. Saucer is a jerk for staying off the blog but she promises to be back full time. And now that you're all caught up on her ridiculous fangirling - we can have some fun!!!

Kisses!

~ Saucer

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Saucer's Week in Review

I know I've been MIA the past week, my apologies. So let's do a quick recap of all the things Saucer has obsessed over during the past seven days.

Ryan O'Reilly's dad wrote an email to the Denver post. Ryan apologized. It was awkward. I want to give Radar a hug and let him know that even though I'm pissed at him now I apparently cannot hold a grudge -- this lockout proved that point -- so I'll still love him no matter where he ends up.
This happened last Thursday night and I maybe have a crush on Alex Burrows now.

Simone Gagne is a Flyer again!!!
Kevin Bieksa gave my kid a puck during warm-ups at the Canucks @ Stars game. She was wearing a signed Modano jersey and he still stopped to give her a puck. #classact
David Booth broke the boards during the same warm-ups and the busted part of the wall was directly in front of my legs. Pics or it didn't happen, right? Well here you go. And yes, I was watching warm-ups from the penalty box and it was AWESOME.

This fight happened. I screamed so loudly I completely lost my voice.

Today the Stars traded Michael Ryder for Erik Cole. This seems like a bad deal for the Stars. Prove me wrong Cole.
I like the proposed NHL realignment. I know a lot of people are annoyed but I think it will be good. It's ridiculous that people are worried about rivalries ending. I'll still hate the Red Wings no matter what division they are in.
Kaner is still playing like a complete baller. And if Saucer gets one more Patrick Kane trade request in her fantasy league she is going to freak the fuck out. He's not going anywhere people, he's mine!
Speaking of Kaner, he still doesn't look very happy. This blog may have to stage a Kaner happiness intervention if he doesn't get his shit in line. Step up Tazer, this is supposed to be your job.
And I must end with a plea to my greatest hockey love, Semyon Varlamov. Varly, I know you aren't getting any help out there and you're standing on your freakin head to stop goals. Please don't give up. We love you. We want you to stay. The team will get better (eventually).

Kisses!

~Saucer

Thursday, February 14, 2013

A Very Saucer Valentine's Day

Saucer would like to wish a very Happy Valentine’s Day to her favorite boys

(Thanks to @avprncess for the practically pornographic photo)

Semyon Varlamov: Oh Varly, I really hope the reason you aren’t starting tonight is because you are flying out to Dallas to cook a nice Valentine’s Day dinner for me. You make the dinner; I’ll cover dessert – oooh, la la!

(I can't believe I'm saying this but I miss that mouthguard)

Patrick Kane: Patrick, since you don’t have a game until tomorrow I expect you to help Varly with the dishes. That can be your contribution to the Saucer Valentine’s Day dinner extravaganza!

Mike Richards: Ok Richie, you get a bye. You have a confirmed real life girlfriend + Carts to take care of so you can go ahead and celebrate with them. But you could still send flowers…hint, hint…

Danny Briere: Well, what do you know? Danny doesn’t have a game either! My heels (which are adorbs) are killing me so you are in charge of the foot massage.

And my gift to all my favorite boys? The gift of Saucer’s adoration should be the only gift you need.

Kisses!

~Saucer

Monday, February 11, 2013

Kaner, Kaner I Believe!

Saucer made the trek from Texas to Arizona to check out the Blackhawks @ Coyotes last week. Sorry, we would have posted these sooner but she was too busy hitting up flea markets with the oldies to bother to upload her pictures.

Anyway, the game was awesome - Kaner was a freakin BEAST (swoon!) and the Coyotes seriously sucked ass. Saucer even made it on TV. Yup, Saucer was rockin a #88 jersey on national television, desperately clutching her camera like the Kaner-crazed-weirdo we know she is.

Jonny Toews was looking quite grumpy through most of the game - and so was Kaner. Saucer is getting really sick of this new Patrick Kane grumpiness. But then again, maybe whatever is causing the grumpiness is what has triggered Kaner the Great and I sure as hell don't want that point streak to let up.

Could he be any cuter??

Kisses!
~Saucer

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

A Peek into the Nonsense that is Saucer's Life

So last night Saucer and her child, I know it’s shocking that Saucer has a child – calm down, were watching hockey. It was a typical night in the Saucer household, when this conversation happened:

‘Lil Saucer: Mommy, can Patrick come over for a sleepover?

Saucer: *racking her brain for which kid in her class is named Patrick* Well, probably not. You’re too young for sleepovers and I don’t know Patrick’s parents.

‘Lil Saucer: But Mommy, I really want to hang out with Patrick.

Saucer: OK, Patrick can come over for a play date. What’s his last name? I’ll get his mommy’s email address from the school.

‘Lil Saucer: Kane, duh Mommy. Patrick Kane…#88.

Saucer: If Kaner is coming to this house for a play date it’s with Mommy, not you. Sorry ‘Lil Saucer!

‘Lil Saucer: Mommy, he wouldn’t want to play with you! He would want to play with me!

Saucer: You do understand that Patrick Kane is an adult, right?

‘Lil Saucer: No he’s not! He’s a kid, like me. Look how tiny he is compared to everyone else on the ice.

Saucer: He’s not that tiny!

‘Lil Saucer: *raises her eyebrows and shoots Saucer a look*

This explains SO MUCH about ‘Lil Saucer’s obsession with Patrick Kane! I always thought my ridiculous fangirling had somehow been passed on to my offspring and she was destined to be as crazy as I am. But no, she just thinks Patrick Kane is a child! I cannot describe the relief which passed over me at that moment. Well, relief mixed with annoyance. He is not tiny! My kid weighs like 30 pounds. Where does she get off saying Patrick is tiny??

So anyway, let's take a moment and watch the ridiculously filthy pass from Jonathan Toews to Patrick Kane for his first goal (of two) last night. It's all fun to watch but Kaner's goal is around the 1:00 mark.

But don’t worry Kaner, Saucer knows you aren’t a little kid and you are most definitely invited over for a sleepover any time.

Kisses!

~Saucer

Friday, January 25, 2013

Patrick Kane and Jedi Mind Tricks

So let’s talk about last night. It’s important to note that while Saucer does love Patrick Kane above all others, she likes the Stars infinitely better than the Blackahwks. So yes, she was in Stars gear screaming her head off for the Dallas boys while internally trying to Jedi-mind-trick Kaner into looking up at her and just giving one little smile – freakin Jedi-mind-trick never works!

Light-of-my-life, Kari Lehtonen, was an absolute beast. The rest of the Stars didn’t do much. Well, except for Ray Whitney melting my heart with his HUGE post-goal smiles which are still there long after he’s back on the bench. For somebody who I thought I would always hate, Ray Whitney is quickly becoming a favorite. God, what is happening to me? How am I becoming a Stars fan? Am I really so fickle? Well, apparently so…

The crowd was engaged, the game was awesome, and then they announced Jamie Benn signed his contract (finally). We all cheered, we all screamed…and then the Stars must have decided they didn’t need to play anymore because everything went way downhill. The Hawks tied the game and in OT my beautiful Kaner had the filthiest assist to Hossa and the Hawks won. Kaner threw himself at ~~Saucer~~ Hossa, and that was it.

But what was the highlight of my night? Kari’s amazing game? Being just a few feet from Kaner? The Jamie Benn announcement? Nope…the Stars had an absolutely hilarious video all about Kaner’s mullet which they played during a TV timeout. He was aimlessly skating around the ice and didn’t even notice until they said something about scoring the Stanley Cup winning goal. He was right in front of Saucer at that point and his cute little head shot up and looked at the screen which was covered with a picture of his mullet-head. He quickly looked down but I was close enough to see a tiny smile. Love ya Kaner.

Kisses!

~Saucer

Monday, January 21, 2013

Recap of Weekend One

It is oh-so-good to have the NHL back! Here are Saucer's weekend highlights:

Managed to snag three Stars autographs - Fiddler, Roussel, and JAGR!!!! And yeah, totally told Jagr she is happy to have him in Dallas but as a Flyers fan misses him in Philly. His response? A huge smile!
Screamed her head off during the Stars win over the Coyotes. Also completely forgot Biz played for Phoenix. Really didn't notice him on the ice once after pre-game stretches.
Has reminded everybody over and over how they said she shouldn't draft Kaner on her fantasy team - suck it jerks!!
Grumbled pretty much non-stop about the Avs and Flyers losses - get your shit together boys!
Is ridiculously annoyed that O'Reilly is still not signed. Hurry the fuck up!
Has missed Tyler Seguin's tweets this week. I'm glad he's busy but he was much more entertaining during the lockout.
Feels very undecided about Giroux's flow.
Maybe cried a little when I read the story about Kaner and Tazer no longer rooming together. Don't judge me, in my head they are the perfect little couple.

So looking to the week ahead, Saucer is trying really hard not to fall into crazy fan-girl mode but her beloved Patrick Kane will be playing the Stars, here in Dallas, on Thursday. If you are watching the game keep your eye out for the delusional looking girl pressed up against the glass with #88's shining in her eyes. Yeah, that will be Saucer.

And it's a Sioux-double-bonus week with Toews and Oshie both playing in Dallas. Love ya boys, won't cheer for you, but I love ya! Go Sioux!

Kisses!

~Saucer

Sunday, January 13, 2013

NHL is Back, Bitches!

Praise Jesus, the NHL is back and Saucer is ridiculously excited for the Stars home opener on Saturday. So let's go over a few things rolling around in Saucer's head today.

1. I follow a lot of NHL teams on twitter and so far it seems the Stars are doing way more for their fans than any other organization in light of all that has happened. Sixteen free tix for season ticket holders, free tickets for kids under 12 through all of January & February, and discounted tickets to all games for college students. Plus, according to the Stars twitter account there is more to come.

2. Fuck my life, Patrick Kane looks hot. Yes, even with the cut lip. Couldn't be happier than he's back on American soil.

Click here to see sweet Patrick on Blackhawks TV

3. I'm a bit stressed about the Ryan O'Reilly situation. The Avalanche need to step up and freaking sign him -- like NOW.

4. Just booked my tickets to Phoenix and I'll get to see the Blackhawks @ Coyotes while I'm there. Ah, you know Saucer...she can't pass up an opportunity to fangirl over Kaner!!

5. The schedule -- this was #1 on my list yesterday but now that I've had enough time to obsess over every detail I've calmed down. So here are some highlights/disappointments:

I will only see the Avalanche play once this year. UGH. Had there not been a lockout I would have seen them five times. Yes, FIVE times.
I won't see the Flyers at all this year. Even if there hadn't been a lockout I wouldn't have seen them in Dallas but I had planned to go to the Flyers @ Canucks game which now will not happen. Another huge disappointment.
I'll get to see Jagr a whole lot. This is fantastic!
Stars schedule highlights: Ducks three times, Hawks, Coyotes, Blues, Canucks, Flames, Sharks, Kings, and Wild all twice. Oilers, Preds, Avalanche, Blue Jackets, Red Wings once.

6. Tonight there is an NHL special on Gabe Landeskog. DVR is set and Saucer will be parked in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn.

7. My stupid fantasy league has decided to redraft. Fucking douches. I'ts not my problem they drafted poorly the first time. I'm extra annoyed because I had a sweet team with Duchene, Toews, Kane, and Varly. BOO on my stupid league!

8. Saucer fan-favorite, Tyler Seguin, has been full of delightfulness this week. The article about his ridiculously messy apartment was hilarious but I refuse to judge. Saucer's dorm room smelled so bad her freshman year Beddee didn't even want to visit. The things I found when moving out -- yikes! Plus I didn't do my own laundry until I was 21. So Segs, fuck those bitches. I still think you are dreamy. Segs has also become a twitter ninja - taking down tweets so fast most of the world doesn't even notice. But Saucer always notices...

Kisses!

~Saucer

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Thank God It's Finally Over!

Yes folks, I know you've all read about 10 billion tweets about this already, but the lockout is finally over. Thank freakin God. Now I'll be anxiously awaiting the release of the schedule so I can find out how many times my beloved teams will be playing here in the home of the Stars.

Of course, in true Saucer fashion, the way I found out the lockout ended was just perfect. I was having a dream about Patrick Kane. I know what you're thinking but it wasn't a sex dream, it was much more realistic than that. Saucer was trying to convince Patrick Kane to have sex with her and he wasn't into it. Yes folks, it is true. Even in Saucer's dreams she is pathetic. But anyway, she almost had him convinced when her freakin phone started buzzing. Seriously, what asshole would interrupt an almost-sex dream with Patrick Kane in the early morning hours of a Sunday??? Well, it was Saucer's Blackhawks fan/buddy in Virginia who was texting to ask if the lockout rumors were true. Saucer jumped onto a trustworthy, integrity-filled sports news site (otherwise known as twitter) and it was CONFIRMED!

Remember many months ago when Saucer vowed not to support the NHL anymore? Fuck it, I've already paid for my season tickets. But even if I hadn't...I'm back on board boys. I'm ready for some hockey and still riding high after the USA gold win (fuck, that Alex Galchenyuk is smokin hot) and I've all but forgotten how angry I've been the past few months. So bring it boys - I'm ready for some hockey! And by the looks of it, Kaner is ready to come home.