And the Winners Are

The 2013 Swords and Sticks NHL Award Winners have been named. Congratulations to all the nominees, it is a GREAT honor...oh, who the fuck am I kidding? Let's just get on with it.

The Ned Stark Award: Most Missed in 2013: Patrick Kane's Mouth Guard

I don't really even know what to say about this. Seriously...but yeah, I miss it too. Sigh...

The Bran Stark Award: Hottest Rookie: Alex Galchenyuk

Wow, I feel really, really old and really, really creepy right now.

The Tyrion Lannister Award: Hottest Defenseman: Kevin Bieksa

My name is Saucer and I support this message. Kevin Bieksa is fucking HOT. Plus he gave my kid a puck last season...in Dallas...and she was wearing a Modano jersey. He instantly became my forever-favorite Canuck.

The Arya Stark Award: Hottest Forward: Maxim Lapierre

Damn Max. Hot, hot, hot. Good luck in St. Louis. While I was sad for our friend and frequent guest blogger Lisa, I was also happy for myself because by moving to the Blues Saucer will see Mr. Lapierre much more frequently. And yeah, it's all about me.

The Drogon the Dragon Award: Hottest Goalie: Henrik Lundqvist

See you in Vegas King Henrik #FrozenFury

The King Joffrey Award: Dirtiest Player: Raffi Torres

The people have spoken. Saucer thinks Bertuzzi should have been in this, but she's just never going to get over that one. Never. Ever.

The Robb Stark Award: Worst Injury: Marc Staal

I really can't even watch this anymore. Hugs Marc, lots and lots of hugs.

The Jamie/Brienne vs the Bear Award: Best Fight: Jamie Benn & Joe Thornton

So we go from a video I can't stand to watch to one I could watch all fucking day. And the all-around-best hockey twitter account, @DallasStars, got a little snarky with the Sharks this week. Well played Stars.

The Theon Greyjoy Award: Hottest Player on a Team You Hate: Ryan Kesler

So Kes didn't actually have the most votes in this category but since Tyler Seguin was traded to the Stars and the Blues picked up Max Lapierre, I disqualified their hot asses. Because really, do that many people hate the Stars and Blues?

The Jamie Lannister Award: Player You’d Most Like to Punch in the Face and Then Make Out With: Alex Burrows

OK, so Saucer may have voted a few times in this category but she really, really wants to punch Alex Burrows and at the same time really, really wants to make out with him. Sorry, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

The Loras Tyrell Award: Best Flow: Scott Hartnell

Fuck yeah, Scott Hartnell has the best hair in the NHL! Although if Mike Commodore would get called up he'd give Hartsy a run for his money!

The Margaery Tyrell Award: Best Playoff Beard: Patrick Kane

So wait, in 2013 Patrick Kane was nominated for the Lady Byng and won the S&S NHL Award for Best Playoff Beard? If you had said that last summer I would have laughed in your stupid face. Oh how a year can change things (take note Segs, and chin up).

The Olyvar the Squire Award: Best Ass: Jonathan Toews

Wanna thank your mother for a butt like that. God DAMN Jonny Toews, that is one nice ass. Oh, and to the ONE person who voted for Sidney Crosby...please go away. We don't like your kind here.

The John Snow Award: Best Abs: Ryan Kesler

I once said Ryan Kesler was the hottest of ALL American men. Leonardo DiCaprio is a close second but Kes looks good and we appreciate how often he shows off that stomach. Very nice Mr. Kesler.

The Daenerys Targaryen... Best Nickname: Kevin Bieksa

As much as  I like Juice, I was pulling for Andrew Shaw on this one because every time I hear they call him Mutt it just makes me laugh! 

The Renly & Loras Award: Best Bromance: Patrick Kane & Jonathan Toews

The pictures say it all - these two are just too adorable for words. 

So thanks everybody for voting and congrats to our winners!!

Kisses!

~ Saucer

Saucer's Back, Bitch!

I've been MIA for a while now. Many, many apologies to all. I promise not to pull that shit again, Saucer's back, bitch!

So what has Saucer been up to the past few months? Well, here is a breakdown:

• Somehow Saucer became a full-blown Dallas Stars fan. Fuck, that wasn't supposed to happen. She was only supposed to cheer for the Stars when it didn't impact the Avalanche, right? Well, did you see any Avs games this season?? There is nothing the Stars could have done to drop the Avs any more in the standings so Saucer found herself cheering for the Stars pretty much non-stop. And yes, the season tickets were renewed.
• Sexy boy Varlamov looked so ridiculously hot when the Avs played in Dallas, Saucer could barely contain herself as she jumped around in her #1 jersey. Then he got pulled. Poor Varly.
• Saucer got really close, no like REALLY close, to getting in fights with other fans during Stars games this year. One was during 2nd time the Blackhawks were in Dallas and the other was during the Avs game. Saucer barely kept herself in check but maybe, just maybe, called some bitch a fucking whore and tried to kick a stupid frat boy down the stairs at AAC. Maybe.
• Old crush update:
• Richie: God I'd like to punch him in the face as I make out with him. Such a pest...suck a sexy fucking pest.
• Varly: Oh, I just want to hug him. His season was SO AWESOME to start, then his team let him down and he just went downhill. Next season will be better sweetie. (As long as Roy doesn't become coach and beat the shit out of him every day)
• Danny B: Oh Danny Boy! He was hurt so much and now all these awful rumors/predictions that  the Flyers are going to use a compliance buyout on him. Sigh. Danny, please come to Dallas. Saucer will take care of you and you would look smokin hot in a Stars uniform.
• Kaner: Yeah, the mullet is back (yikes) but so are his filthy passes and ridiculously sexy goals. And he even might even seem to be just slightly less grumpy than he was at the start of the season!  I will admit the Lady Byng nomination made him just slightly less appealing. Huh? You think that is weird? Well, there was something about all his drama that I found slightly endearing. Now he's all grown up and acting like Jonny-bot Part II. But if it means I can watch him get ridiculously drunk during another Cup-winning parade, well, it will be all worth it. And I am kidding (a little) and really do want Kaner to win the Lady Byng. I also want him to wear that rude, offensive shirt from Madison when he accepts the award.
• New crush update:
• Ok, before I say it I want everybody to shut up. Seriously, just shut up! Saucer maybe has a little crush on Alex Burrows. There, I said it. Yes, i said it in tiny font, but I said it nonetheless. My last blog post mentioned I was maybe starting to crush on Burrows but then, THEN, he had to get on freakin twitter. Yup, it's all over now.
• Alex Galchenyuk: yeah, not so new either, is it? I think this crush may have started during World Juniors. Well, to top it off he retweeted a pic his sister had tweeted of him (damn that was confusing) and he is laughing and wearing shorts to show off those HUGE thighs. Yeah, no going back after that. It really isn't even that bad. Saucer acts like a 19 year old, so it's not even creepy, right? RIGHT??
• Antoine Roussel: Feisty, hot, and showed more heart than anybody else on the Stars team. He's most definitely my favorite Star and really the overall Dallas favorite in the Saucer house.
• Jamie Benn: I still think that video of Benn fighting Thornton is the hottest thing I've ever seen. When he flips his hair back...well goddamn Jamie Benn!!

So that's where we're at. Saucer is a jerk for staying off the blog but she promises to be back full time. And now that you're all caught up on her ridiculous fangirling - we can have some fun!!!

Kisses!

~ Saucer