And the Winners Are

The 2013 Swords and Sticks NHL Award Winners have been named. Congratulations to all the nominees, it is a GREAT honor...oh, who the fuck am I kidding? Let's just get on with it.

The Ned Stark Award: Most Missed in 2013: Patrick Kane's Mouth Guard

I don't really even know what to say about this. Seriously...but yeah, I miss it too. Sigh...

The Bran Stark Award: Hottest Rookie: Alex Galchenyuk

Wow, I feel really, really old and really, really creepy right now.

The Tyrion Lannister Award: Hottest Defenseman: Kevin Bieksa

My name is Saucer and I support this message. Kevin Bieksa is fucking HOT. Plus he gave my kid a puck last season...in Dallas...and she was wearing a Modano jersey. He instantly became my forever-favorite Canuck.

The Arya Stark Award: Hottest Forward: Maxim Lapierre

Damn Max. Hot, hot, hot. Good luck in St. Louis. While I was sad for our friend and frequent guest blogger Lisa, I was also happy for myself because by moving to the Blues Saucer will see Mr. Lapierre much more frequently. And yeah, it's all about me.

The Drogon the Dragon Award: Hottest Goalie: Henrik Lundqvist

See you in Vegas King Henrik #FrozenFury

The King Joffrey Award: Dirtiest Player: Raffi Torres

The people have spoken. Saucer thinks Bertuzzi should have been in this, but she's just never going to get over that one. Never. Ever.

The Robb Stark Award: Worst Injury: Marc Staal

I really can't even watch this anymore. Hugs Marc, lots and lots of hugs.

The Jamie/Brienne vs the Bear Award: Best Fight: Jamie Benn & Joe Thornton

So we go from a video I can't stand to watch to one I could watch all fucking day. And the all-around-best hockey twitter account, @DallasStars, got a little snarky with the Sharks this week. Well played Stars.

The Theon Greyjoy Award: Hottest Player on a Team You Hate: Ryan Kesler

So Kes didn't actually have the most votes in this category but since Tyler Seguin was traded to the Stars and the Blues picked up Max Lapierre, I disqualified their hot asses. Because really, do that many people hate the Stars and Blues?

The Jamie Lannister Award: Player You’d Most Like to Punch in the Face and Then Make Out With: Alex Burrows

OK, so Saucer may have voted a few times in this category but she really, really wants to punch Alex Burrows and at the same time really, really wants to make out with him. Sorry, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

The Loras Tyrell Award: Best Flow: Scott Hartnell

Fuck yeah, Scott Hartnell has the best hair in the NHL! Although if Mike Commodore would get called up he'd give Hartsy a run for his money!

The Margaery Tyrell Award: Best Playoff Beard: Patrick Kane

So wait, in 2013 Patrick Kane was nominated for the Lady Byng and won the S&S NHL Award for Best Playoff Beard? If you had said that last summer I would have laughed in your stupid face. Oh how a year can change things (take note Segs, and chin up).

The Olyvar the Squire Award: Best Ass: Jonathan Toews

Wanna thank your mother for a butt like that. God DAMN Jonny Toews, that is one nice ass. Oh, and to the ONE person who voted for Sidney Crosby...please go away. We don't like your kind here.

The John Snow Award: Best Abs: Ryan Kesler

I once said Ryan Kesler was the hottest of ALL American men. Leonardo DiCaprio is a close second but Kes looks good and we appreciate how often he shows off that stomach. Very nice Mr. Kesler.

The Daenerys Targaryen... Best Nickname: Kevin Bieksa

As much as  I like Juice, I was pulling for Andrew Shaw on this one because every time I hear they call him Mutt it just makes me laugh! 

The Renly & Loras Award: Best Bromance: Patrick Kane & Jonathan Toews

The pictures say it all - these two are just too adorable for words. 

So thanks everybody for voting and congrats to our winners!!

Kisses!

~ Saucer

Saucer's Back, Bitch!

I've been MIA for a while now. Many, many apologies to all. I promise not to pull that shit again, Saucer's back, bitch!

So what has Saucer been up to the past few months? Well, here is a breakdown:

• Somehow Saucer became a full-blown Dallas Stars fan. Fuck, that wasn't supposed to happen. She was only supposed to cheer for the Stars when it didn't impact the Avalanche, right? Well, did you see any Avs games this season?? There is nothing the Stars could have done to drop the Avs any more in the standings so Saucer found herself cheering for the Stars pretty much non-stop. And yes, the season tickets were renewed.
• Sexy boy Varlamov looked so ridiculously hot when the Avs played in Dallas, Saucer could barely contain herself as she jumped around in her #1 jersey. Then he got pulled. Poor Varly.
• Saucer got really close, no like REALLY close, to getting in fights with other fans during Stars games this year. One was during 2nd time the Blackhawks were in Dallas and the other was during the Avs game. Saucer barely kept herself in check but maybe, just maybe, called some bitch a fucking whore and tried to kick a stupid frat boy down the stairs at AAC. Maybe.
• Old crush update:
• Richie: God I'd like to punch him in the face as I make out with him. Such a pest...suck a sexy fucking pest.
• Varly: Oh, I just want to hug him. His season was SO AWESOME to start, then his team let him down and he just went downhill. Next season will be better sweetie. (As long as Roy doesn't become coach and beat the shit out of him every day)
• Danny B: Oh Danny Boy! He was hurt so much and now all these awful rumors/predictions that  the Flyers are going to use a compliance buyout on him. Sigh. Danny, please come to Dallas. Saucer will take care of you and you would look smokin hot in a Stars uniform.
• Kaner: Yeah, the mullet is back (yikes) but so are his filthy passes and ridiculously sexy goals. And he even might even seem to be just slightly less grumpy than he was at the start of the season!  I will admit the Lady Byng nomination made him just slightly less appealing. Huh? You think that is weird? Well, there was something about all his drama that I found slightly endearing. Now he's all grown up and acting like Jonny-bot Part II. But if it means I can watch him get ridiculously drunk during another Cup-winning parade, well, it will be all worth it. And I am kidding (a little) and really do want Kaner to win the Lady Byng. I also want him to wear that rude, offensive shirt from Madison when he accepts the award.
• New crush update:
• Ok, before I say it I want everybody to shut up. Seriously, just shut up! Saucer maybe has a little crush on Alex Burrows. There, I said it. Yes, i said it in tiny font, but I said it nonetheless. My last blog post mentioned I was maybe starting to crush on Burrows but then, THEN, he had to get on freakin twitter. Yup, it's all over now.
• Alex Galchenyuk: yeah, not so new either, is it? I think this crush may have started during World Juniors. Well, to top it off he retweeted a pic his sister had tweeted of him (damn that was confusing) and he is laughing and wearing shorts to show off those HUGE thighs. Yeah, no going back after that. It really isn't even that bad. Saucer acts like a 19 year old, so it's not even creepy, right? RIGHT??
• Antoine Roussel: Feisty, hot, and showed more heart than anybody else on the Stars team. He's most definitely my favorite Star and really the overall Dallas favorite in the Saucer house.
• Jamie Benn: I still think that video of Benn fighting Thornton is the hottest thing I've ever seen. When he flips his hair back...well goddamn Jamie Benn!!

So that's where we're at. Saucer is a jerk for staying off the blog but she promises to be back full time. And now that you're all caught up on her ridiculous fangirling - we can have some fun!!!

Kisses!

~ Saucer

Saucer's Week in Review

I know I've been MIA the past week, my apologies. So let's do a quick recap of all the things Saucer has obsessed over during the past seven days.

• Ryan O'Reilly's dad wrote an email to the Denver post. Ryan apologized. It was awkward. I want to give Radar a hug and let him know that even though I'm pissed at him now I apparently cannot hold a grudge -- this lockout proved that point -- so I'll still love him no matter where he ends up.
• This happened last Thursday night and I maybe have a crush on Alex Burrows now. 

• Simone Gagne is a Flyer again!!! 
• Kevin Bieksa gave my kid a puck during warm-ups at the Canucks @ Stars game. She was wearing a signed Modano jersey and he still stopped to give her a puck. #classact
• David Booth broke the boards during the same warm-ups and the busted part of the wall was directly in front of my legs. Pics or it didn't happen, right?  Well here you go. And yes, I was watching warm-ups from the penalty box and it was AWESOME. 

• This fight happened. I screamed so loudly I completely lost my voice. 

• Today the Stars traded Michael Ryder for Erik Cole. This seems like a bad deal for the Stars. Prove me wrong Cole.
• I like the proposed NHL realignment. I know a lot of people are annoyed but I think it will be good. It's ridiculous that people are worried about rivalries ending. I'll still hate the Red Wings no matter what division they are in.
• Kaner is still playing like a complete baller. And if Saucer gets one more Patrick Kane trade request in her fantasy league she is going to freak the fuck out. He's not going anywhere people, he's mine!
• Speaking of Kaner, he still doesn't look very happy. This blog may have to stage a Kaner happiness intervention if he doesn't get his shit in line. Step up Tazer, this is supposed to be your job.
• And I must end with a plea to my greatest hockey love, Semyon Varlamov. Varly, I know you aren't getting any help out there and you're standing on your freakin head to stop goals. Please don't give up. We love you. We want you to stay. The team will get better (eventually). 

Kisses!

~Saucer

Jamie Benn - Dallas Stars

In preparation for the upcoming season To occupy myself during the lockout, I am going to feature one player from every team in the NHL. Goalies are excluded because they’re interesting enough to garner a feature of their own so look forward to that as round 2.

#14 Jamie Benn – Dallas Stars – Left Wing

The Past

Jamie Benn grew up in Canada and played hockey from the time he was a wee lad - mostly due to having an older hockey playing brother, Jordie, who also plays for the Stars. Aw, I get a warm fuzzy feeling whenever brothers play together...well only sometimes. Love for the Benns & Schenns, no love for the Sedins & Staals.
Jamie was drafted 129^th overall by the Dallas Stars in 2007. Now this pic isn’t from his draft but it’s the puck from his first goal and he looks so darn baby-faced and excited I just can’t pass up putting it in here.

The Love

Jamie Benn is my hometown hero. Yes, yes, Saucer is an Avalanche & Flyers fan but she lives in Dallas and is a Stars season ticket holder so she reserves the right to love Jamie Benn and claim him as her own.

I love that he is adorable and has sick flow…

…but that isn’t all I love about him. Jamie Benn is my favorite Star because he is a really exciting player. This is one of my all time favorite Stars goals.

Need more proof for why you should love Jamie Benn? Check out the video below – who would have guessed a Star would win the accuracy competition???

What? You need one more?  Fine, here you go.

The Hate

I hate when Jamie Benn has facial hair. No, really I do.

I also hate that he is currently playing in Germany.  This picture makes me want to throw up. Do not get injured. Do you hear me? Do not get injured! Come back to Dallas soon, and in one piece!

Let’s Get Scrappy
Jamie Benn likes to throw down and Saucer loves to watch. I’ve picked a few of my favorites for your viewing pleasure. This first video has been on this blog before but it is such a good fight I couldn't pass it up. Iginla's bloody face is insane.

OK, now here is my disclaimer. I love, love, LOVE Erik Johnson. However, the last few seconds of this fight definitely go to Benn and every time I watch it I catch myself cheering for Benn! 

Steve Ott looks so proud of him I can’t help but laugh. Off topic a bit since Ott is now a Sabre, but give him a follow on twitter, he’s really funny - @otterN9NE

We leave this section with the fight below. Nothing makes me happier than seeing a Red Wing get his ass kicked.

Feed the Inner Fangirl/Fanboy 

Oh Jamie Benn…where do I start? He’s cute, he’s a great player, and on occasion he’s funny enough to make me spit soda all over my computer monitor, which is exactly what happened when I read the tweet below.

 (follow him on twitter - @jamiebenn14)

Let’s Mix in Some Swords

Where oh where does Jamie Benn fit in with Game of Thrones? Well as part of a famous brother pair of course! So my favorite brothers on the show are Jaime and Tyrion Lannister and since both Jamie/Jaime are great fighters – plus have the same name – it is a no brainer than Jamie Benn is Jaime Lannister. Apologies in advance if there is a Benn sister out there somewhere. Really, I am sorry!

  

Kisses!

~ Saucer