The 2013 Swords and Sticks NHL Award Winners have been named. Congratulations to all the nominees, it is a GREAT honor...oh, who the fuck am I kidding? Let's just get on with it.
The Ned Stark Award: Most Missed in 2013: Patrick Kane's Mouth Guard
I don't really even know what to say about this. Seriously...but yeah, I miss it too. Sigh...
Wow, I feel really, really old and really, really creepy right now.
The Tyrion Lannister Award: Hottest Defenseman: Kevin Bieksa
My name is Saucer and I support this message. Kevin Bieksa is fucking HOT. Plus he gave my kid a puck last season...in Dallas...and she was wearing a Modano jersey. He instantly became my forever-favorite Canuck.
The Arya Stark Award: Hottest Forward: Maxim Lapierre
Damn Max. Hot, hot, hot. Good luck in St. Louis. While I was sad for our friend and frequent guest blogger Lisa, I was also happy for myself because by moving to the Blues Saucer will see Mr. Lapierre much more frequently. And yeah, it's all about me.
The Drogon the Dragon Award: Hottest Goalie: Henrik Lundqvist
See you in Vegas King Henrik #FrozenFury
The King Joffrey Award: Dirtiest Player: Raffi Torres
The people have spoken. Saucer thinks Bertuzzi should have been in this, but she's just never going to get over that one. Never. Ever.
The Robb Stark Award: Worst Injury: Marc Staal
I really can't even watch this anymore. Hugs Marc, lots and lots of hugs.
The Jamie/Brienne vs the Bear Award: Best Fight: Jamie Benn & Joe Thornton
So we go from a video I can't stand to watch to one I could watch all fucking day. And the all-around-best hockey twitter account, @DallasStars, got a little snarky with the Sharks this week. Well played Stars.
The Theon Greyjoy Award: Hottest Player on a Team You Hate: Ryan Kesler
So Kes didn't actually have the most votes in this category but since Tyler Seguin was traded to the Stars and the Blues picked up Max Lapierre, I disqualified their hot asses. Because really, do that many people hate the Stars and Blues?
The Jamie Lannister Award: Player You’d Most Like to Punch in the Face and Then Make Out With: Alex Burrows
OK, so Saucer may have voted a few times in this category but she really, really wants to punch Alex Burrows and at the same time really, really wants to make out with him. Sorry, but sometimes I just can't help myself.
The Loras Tyrell Award: Best Flow: Scott Hartnell
Fuck yeah, Scott Hartnell has the best hair in the NHL! Although if Mike Commodore would get called up he'd give Hartsy a run for his money!
The Margaery Tyrell Award: Best Playoff Beard: Patrick Kane
So wait, in 2013 Patrick Kane was nominated for the Lady Byng and won the S&S NHL Award for Best Playoff Beard? If you had said that last summer I would have laughed in your stupid face. Oh how a year can change things (take note Segs, and chin up).
The Olyvar the Squire Award: Best Ass: Jonathan Toews
Wanna thank your mother for a butt like that. God DAMN Jonny Toews, that is one nice ass. Oh, and to the ONE person who voted for Sidney Crosby...please go away. We don't like your kind here.
The John Snow Award: Best Abs: Ryan Kesler
I once said Ryan Kesler was the hottest of ALL American men. Leonardo DiCaprio is a close second but Kes looks good and we appreciate how often he shows off that stomach. Very nice Mr. Kesler.
The Daenerys Targaryen... Best Nickname: Kevin Bieksa
As much as I like Juice, I was pulling for Andrew Shaw on this one because every time I hear they call him Mutt it just makes me laugh!
The Renly & Loras Award: Best Bromance: Patrick Kane & Jonathan Toews
The pictures say it all - these two are just too adorable for words.
So thanks everybody for voting and congrats to our winners!!