So, let me tell you a few things that happened tonight. This will include a bit of a reveal, a bit of a confession, and a whole lot of ridiculous.
1. This happened. Disclaimer: I'm not trying to be secretive here, if anybody wants to know my personal twitter account, just email me or DM me on @swordsandsticks. But I have pictures of my kid on my personal twitter and I'm embarrassing as hell on a good day, so for her mental health (someday she'll be really, really mortified by this site) I think it's better if her picture isn't on here.
In case you weren't watching the time of the goals...see below. Then compare above. Yes, I'm in the Central time zone.
2. And yeah, Patrick scored twice in regulation. Oh wait, I said he looked sexy twice. Hmmm....
3. OK, now for the confession. All of this OT could have been avoided. Well, sigh...this is really awful to admit. But...I stopped watching the game and went and saw the movie Now You See Me. I know, I know! But listen, I have a four year old and I never get to have a date night. Babysitters are a freakin hot commodity here in Tarrant county! Hockey gods, I'm so, so sorry.
4. But then I posted this:
And what the fuck happened??? The always delicious Patrick Kane scored a hatty!!!!
So yes, Saucer really is the Hawk Whisperer. And to make things even crazier, Saucer, the shiny new Chicago Blackhawks good luck charm, will be in Boston June 17 and 18 for work. Coincidence, or do I just want you to think it's a coincidence???? #goseethemovie
Here are a couple things Saucer learned in the Game 1's tonight
Sharpie is a hockey god
Bolland, you are a bitch. Keep your fucking skates on the ice. But Carts, way to stand up for your man
Crosby, Chara will FUCKING destroy you and your glass jaw
Um, was I the only person who saw Tyler Seguin licking his lips suggestively on the bench? Fuck Segs, you are hot with that goddamn beard
And Tuukka shut out those whiny little bitches in their own house. You may not be my favorite goalie, hell you aren't even my favorite Finnish goalie, but tonight I am your fan
Wow, I don't really know what to say about the game last night. The goal/no-goal fiasco at the end of the third was beyond ridiculous but it's over so I've moved on. But who the hell would have guessed Seabs would score the winning goal and cement himself as a game 7 hero?? I would have thrown down money on Tazer, Kaner, Sharpie, Hossa, Duncs, Saad, Shaw...WOW I guess I would have guessed half the team over Seabs. So thanks for proving me wrong buddy, I won't doubt you again!
So...Saucer already has her tickets to Frozen Fury - September 27 & 28 in Vegas, baby!! Let's talk about this for a moment. This year, two games: Rangers/Kings and Avalanche/Kings. I don't usually get to see much of the Rangers so I welcome the idea of more drooling over King Henrik. Plus bonus for two nights of Richie. But the real reason I'm going is the same --- Varly!!!
So by now everybody (on this planet at least) is aware that Roy is the new head coach of my Avalanche. Yeah, I don't know what to think. On one hand I'm super excited. I just know he's going to get into a fight, I just KNOW it! I'm just unsure whether it will be with another coach or a player. On the other hand I worry about my sweet Varly. I don't want Roy to turn him into a psycho or break his sweet spirit. But there is one thing I'm certain on: I will fly to Denver just to see Roy scowl at Brodeur when they play the Devils. FUCK.YEAH. Every team in every arena is amazing and it's just one more thing I love about the realignment.
I'd like to end with this one thought: Patrick Motherfucking Kane, I want to lick the stripes on your mullet.
In preparation for the upcoming season To occupy myself during the lockout, I am going to feature one player from every team in the NHL. Goalies are excluded because they’re interesting enough to garner a feature of their own so look forward to that as round 2.
#10 Mike Richards – Los Angeles Kings – Center
In case you’ve never read the section of this blog titled Who Are These People, you should be forewarned. Saucer has a ridiculous, massive, almost creepy crush on Mike Richards. Proceed at your own risk.
The Past
Richie was drafted 24th overall in the 2003 draft by the Flyers. Pop Quiz: who was drafted 11th overall by the Flyers that year? Jeff Carter, and so it begins…
After a couple years with the Kitchener Rangers he went to the Phantoms and then Flyers. He tore it up with the Flyers, became Captain, and signed a ridiculously long contract which led fans to believe we would enjoy many, many more years with our beloved Richie & Carter duo. Then, in what could have been pulled from the pages of a Harlequin romance novel, they were ripped apart by a greedy and deceitful man.
Yeah, I signed them both to super long term deals and then immediately traded them…what’s wrong with that?
So yes, the boys were tragically separated but Mike got the better end of the deal, going to LA while poor Jeff went to Columbus.
But is this love story over? Hell no! They were reunited and won the Stanley Cup - Suck it Holmgren!
The Love
Oh Mike Richards….he’ll always be my Captain and I will always hate Holmgren for taking him away from me. He’s a grinder; he plays ridiculously hard, is one half of the hottest bromance in the league, and has a tendency to be whiny and passive aggressive with the media --- well as least with the Philly media.
Plus, maybe he’s really, really, really cute.
The Hate
I hate that Richie doesn’t play for the Flyers anymore. It still bothers me to see Richie wearing #10. I hate that he won The Cup with the Kings instead of the Flyers and I hate that he isn't married to Jeff Carter.
Let’s Get Scrappy
Mike Richards most definitely does not back down from a fight. He isn’t the biggest guy on the ice but he is scrappy as hell.
This is my all time favorite Richie fight. So why is the fight below, not even a Flyers fight, my favorite? Because he is SO much smaller than Hanzal but refuses to back down.
And my favorite almost fight:
Feed the Inner Fangirl/Fanboy
In what can only be considered a giant conspiracy, there aren’t any pictures or video of their freakin faces during the Richie to Carter Cup handoff. What the hell did he say to him????? Seriously, how could this happen? I half expected them to make out on the ice so not seeing that was disappointment enough, but to be robbed the opportunity to lip read? Well, that isn’t even fair.
Go to 1:05
To reduce my disappointment I’ll stare at the gif below for an hour or so.
Let’s Mix in Some Swords
Sometimes it is really difficult to compare a hockey player to a Game of Thrones character, but Mike Richards is, without a doubt, Renly Baratheon (spoiler: Jeff Carter is Loras).
So what do they have in common? How about a hidden love which began when they were young and became stronger as adults. A commitment was made, basically securing them to each other forever until a wicked old man ripped them apart.
Thankfully Richie & Carts have a much happier ending than poor Renly and Loras.
