Saturday, June 8, 2013

Saucer...aka...The Hawk Whisperer

So, let me tell you a few things that happened tonight. This will include a bit of a reveal, a bit of a confession, and a whole lot of ridiculous.


1. This happened. Disclaimer: I'm not trying to be secretive here, if anybody wants to know my personal twitter account, just email me or DM me on  @swordsandsticks. But I have pictures of my kid on my personal twitter and I'm embarrassing as hell on a good day, so for her mental health (someday she'll be really, really mortified by this site) I think it's better if her picture isn't on here.



In case you weren't watching the time of the goals...see below. Then compare above. Yes, I'm in the Central time zone.




2. And yeah, Patrick scored twice in regulation. Oh wait, I said he looked sexy twice. Hmmm....


3. OK, now for the confession. All of this OT could have been avoided. Well, sigh...this is really awful to admit. But...I stopped watching the game and went and saw the movie Now You See Me. I know, I know! But listen, I have a four year old and I never get to have a date night. Babysitters are a freakin hot commodity here in Tarrant county! Hockey gods, I'm so, so sorry.

4. But then I posted this:







And what the fuck happened??? The always delicious Patrick Kane scored a hatty!!!!

So yes, Saucer really is the Hawk Whisperer. And to make things even crazier, Saucer, the shiny new Chicago Blackhawks good luck charm, will be in Boston June 17 and 18 for work. Coincidence, or do I just want you to think it's a coincidence???? #goseethemovie

Kisses!
~ Saucer


Friday, June 7, 2013

2013 Swords and Sticks NHL Awards Nomination Week

Welcome to the 2013 Swords and Sticks NHL Awards nomination week!!!!
 
What is more exciting than the Red Wedding??? Well, it's the 2013 Swords and Sticks NHL Awards, of course! In the theme of our favorite TV show, we have developed a list of distinguished and honorable awards for which we are soliciting nominations of current NHL hockey players.
 
Here are the rules:
  • Nominations will be accepted via comment, tweet, or email between 6/7 and 6/14
  • Nominations should be based on the 2013 season (including playoffs)
  • The top three candidates (based on nominations) in each category will be selected for voting, which will take place 6/17 - 6/23
  • Saucer reserves the right to add a fourth player to each category based on her own personal bias and crushes
  • At the end of voting, Saucer reserves the right to break any ties by conducting an unannounced, completely random poll of her co-workers (I live in TEXAS so don't let this happen)
  • Winners will be awarded an official certificate, a trophy, and a meet & greet with Saucer. Fine, fine. I don't want any restraining orders so we'll bypass the meet & greet. Sigh...
The Awards
 
The Renly & Loras Award: Best Bromance
 
The Daenerys Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, called Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Mother of Dragons Award: Best Nickname
 
The John Snow Award: Best Abs
 
The Olyvar the Squire Award: Best Ass
 
The Margaery Tyrell Award: Best Playoff Beard
 
The Loras Tyrell Award: Best Flow
 
The Jamie Lannister Award: Player You’d Most Like to Punch in the Face and Then Make Out With 
 
The Theon Greyjoy Award: Hottest Player on a Team You Hate
 
The Jamie/Brienne vs the Bear Award: Best Fight
 
The Robb Stark Award: Worst Injury
 
The King Joffrey Award: Dirtiest Player
 
The Drogon the Dragon Award: Hottest Goalie
 
The Arya Stark Award: Hottest Forward
 
The Tyrion Lannister Award: Hottest Defenseman
 
The Bran Stark Awards : Hottest Rookie
 
The Ned Stark Award: Most Missed in 2013
 
 
So get to work! Email, tweet, or comment your nominations by 6/14 to ensure your favorite players make the cut!
 
Kisses!
~Saucer

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Conference Finals Synopsis (Saucer Style) - Games One(s)


Here are a couple things Saucer learned in the Game 1's tonight


Sharpie is a hockey god



Bolland, you are a bitch. Keep your fucking skates on the ice. But Carts, way to stand up for your man


Crosby, Chara will FUCKING destroy you and your glass jaw


Um, was I the only person who saw Tyler Seguin licking his lips suggestively on the bench? Fuck Segs, you are hot with that goddamn beard


And Tuukka shut out those whiny little bitches in their own house. You may not be my favorite goalie, hell you aren't even my favorite Finnish goalie, but tonight I am your fan


Kisses!
~Saucer

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Hawks, Vegas, and Roy

 
 
 
Wow, I don't really know what to say about the game last night. The goal/no-goal fiasco at the end of the third was beyond ridiculous but it's over so I've moved on. But who the hell would have guessed Seabs would score the winning goal and cement himself as a game 7 hero?? I would have thrown down money on Tazer, Kaner, Sharpie, Hossa, Duncs, Saad, Shaw...WOW I guess I would have guessed half the team over Seabs. So thanks for proving me wrong buddy, I won't doubt you again!
 
 

So...Saucer already has her tickets to Frozen Fury - September 27 & 28 in Vegas, baby!! Let's talk about this for a moment. This year, two games: Rangers/Kings and Avalanche/Kings. I don't usually get to see much of the Rangers so I welcome the idea of more drooling over King Henrik. Plus bonus for two nights of Richie. But the real reason I'm going is the same  --- Varly!!!
 
 

So by now everybody (on this planet at least) is aware that Roy is the new head coach of my Avalanche. Yeah, I don't know what to think. On one hand I'm super excited. I just know he's going to get into a fight, I just KNOW it! I'm just unsure whether it will be with another coach or a player. On the other hand I worry about my sweet Varly. I don't want Roy to turn him into a psycho or break his sweet spirit. But there is one thing I'm certain on:  I will fly to Denver just to see Roy scowl at Brodeur when they play the Devils. FUCK.YEAH. Every team in every arena is amazing and it's just one more thing I love about the realignment.


 
I'd like to end with this one thought: Patrick Motherfucking Kane, I want to lick the stripes on your mullet.
 
 
Kisses!
~ Saucer

Monday, May 27, 2013

The Heartbreak of Hockey

The best days around this blog are when our wonderful, hockey-loving friends offer to guest post. Thanks to @lisapy74 (Canucks Superfan Extraordinaire)  for the post below -- amazing, as always! We love posts from Lisa and would love posts from other hockey fans. Hint, hint!!

The Heartbreak of Hockey

I understand that hockey is a sport, and that players are basically a commodity, who can be bought and sold at will.  But really, where is a player's incentive to try harder, to push himself, to prove himself, if he can be traded away at any given moment?

Perfect example - the Vancouver Canucks.  They've been knocked out of the first round of the playoffs for two years straight.  This year, they got swept, didn't even win a single game.  Although Game 4 did look promising for a minute.  But honestly, I don't blame the players.  I blame the Canucks' organization - the GM and the Coach, first and foremost. (Note: Lisa wrote & sent this to use before the BIG changes in Vancouver!!)

Every team in the league who under-performed or didn't meet their fans' expectations this year can fall back on the same excuses:  the lockout, a shortened season, player injuries, and not a lot of options at the trade deadline to improve their team.

So, why did some teams do so much better than others? Vancouver has heart, and grit, and will.  They have the determination and the strength.  The guys have really tried to develop the team chemistry it takes to win.  Why didn't they? Maybe I'm just a bitter fan at the moment, disillusioned by the prospect that my team is about to be blown to bits, and have it called a 're-organization, or a reset', as Mike Gillis loves to say. 
Let's see.  Yes, players were injured (God bless Ryan Kesler for playing seven, yes seven, games with a broken foot), but that wasn't the real problem.  The coaching and the management are the real problem.  Team skates seemed to be optional more often than not.  I think the Canucks rarely, if ever, practice the shoot-out even though it played a major factor this season when every single point was important.  I still don't understand why the Sedins only seldom kill penalties, and why they don't participate in the shoot-out.  Players with their skill level (and salary) should not have that option.  They are part of the team, right? Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming the Sedins, I'm just saying, where is their fire? If I thought it would help my team win a championship, damn right I'd take a turn at the shoot-out, kill penalties, and get fired up and fight back when other teams repeatedly pushed me too far.  But they don't, and it's sad.  It's sad, because I have a sick feeling my team is going to get blown up in the near future, all in the name of a rebuild.

Don't make a guy who's a natural center play a winger position.  Don't put a right-handed defenseman on the left-hand side and out of his comfort zone.  Quit switching your D-pairings and your forward line combinations so much it makes my head spin.  If you call someone up from the AHL, let him play for more than one or two games.  Otherwise, what's the point? How do you even know what the guy can do in two games? With all of this, plus injuries, and the so-called goalie controversy, how can a team manage to build lasting chemistry? Hey, let's put a rookie on the top line with the Sedins.  Let's make Kesler play on the wing, and Burrows play center, while we're at it.  Hamhuis and Bieksa, let's split them up, screw their great chemistry and how they always know where the other one is going to be on the ice. 

God forbid we practice the power play, because that's not important at all, right? And Vancouver may be guilty of occasional diving or embellishment, but they also don't get a lot of breaks when it comes to penalty calls either.  I've seen Alex Burrows (in person) get whacked across the back of the legs repeatedly by an opponent, while the refs seem not to notice, until he snaps, and retaliates - and then he gets called for a penalty! How is that fair?

Let's put poor Schneider in cold for playoff games, when he hasn't played in two weeks, after battling a groin injury.  Let's yo-yo Luongo - you're our number one, no number two, no let's trade you, no let's keep you.  Make a decision and stick it with it AV.  At least act like you care about your players and about the game.  It matters to these guys and it matters to the fans.  And your job should be on the line after this season.  Yours, and the GM's.  Not the players' jobs.

My real problem with the Canucks' early exit is that a player like Mason Raymond is still getting grief from the fans.  He can't score a goal in the playoffs (but he did).  He's not fast enough (but he's one of the quickest skaters).  He falls down all the time (give me a break).  Not to mention, he was willing to play center, not his natural position, when called upon.  I remember one of the analysts said not that long ago, and I'm paraphrasing here, 'I shudder to think where this Vancouver team would be without Mason Raymond right now.'  And now he's one of the first to face the threat of the chopping block.  After all he's overcome, and how much he's improved, he still can't do enough for this team.  He wants to stay in Vancouver - that's where he started his career and his family.  I want him to stay in Vancouver.  Don't penalize a player for a team's shitty season, and blame it on the salary cap.  It infuriates me that every time something goes wrong, Raymond is always one of the first to be thrown under the bus.  He's given his all to this team, after what could have been a career ending injury, and he refused to give up.

Even though they're out of the playoffs again, I refuse to give up on this team.  Yes, I understand that players have to be traded and that they can't play hockey forever.  But don't blow up a team just because the top dogs can't perform at the level they should be.  Why can the status quo be maintained for these guys, but the players (and fans) have to pay the price? I put my heart and soul in to supporting this team, like any other hockey fan.  I've cried, I've screamed, I've cursed and I know I'll cry some more.  I'm emotionally invested, I care, probably more than I should.  So why doesn't management seem to care at all?


I still believe in the Canucks - the core group that we have.  And anyone who thinks Raymond isn't, or shouldn't, be a part of that, hasn't been paying attention.  I'd give anything to see my team still on the ice, battling it out for a chance to go for the Cup.  I'd give anything to know that my team won't be a bunch of strangers come next season.  All I can do at this point is pray to the hockey gods that some common sense prevails, and the people in charge are finally held accountable.  And that I make it through the summer.


- Thanks again to Lisa for the awesome post. Saucer feels the need to comment on a few important points after reading Lisa's awesome post:

1 - You should be following her on twitter - @lisapy74
2 - Alex Burrows is hot as fuck. Sentences which contain "Alex Burrows" and "whacked across the back of the legs repeatedly" somehow get jumbled into something with a way different meaning in Saucer's head. Does that happen to anybody else??
3 - The Sedins are hella creepy. Enough said.
4 - Saucer's Avs & Flyers struggled too, but I honestly think it's better to not make the playoffs at all than to get swept in the first round. Lisa, next year will be better. I know it.
5 - So Lisa sent this before AV was fired but after reading it I think she has a lot of good points. I think Lisa should be the next coach of the Canucks. Lisa, if that happens I'm absolutely, 100% positive we can work something out so Saucer can have a job with the team. I have a very diverse skill set...

Kisses!
~Saucer


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Saucer's Back, Bitch!

I've been MIA for a while now. Many, many apologies to all. I promise not to pull that shit again, Saucer's back, bitch!

So what has Saucer been up to the past few months? Well, here is a breakdown:


  • Somehow Saucer became a full-blown Dallas Stars fan. Fuck, that wasn't supposed to happen. She was only supposed to cheer for the Stars when it didn't impact the Avalanche, right? Well, did you see any Avs games this season?? There is nothing the Stars could have done to drop the Avs any more in the standings so Saucer found herself cheering for the Stars pretty much non-stop. And yes, the season tickets were renewed.
  • Sexy boy Varlamov looked so ridiculously hot when the Avs played in Dallas, Saucer could barely contain herself as she jumped around in her #1 jersey. Then he got pulled. Poor Varly.
  • Saucer got really close, no like REALLY close, to getting in fights with other fans during Stars games this year. One was during 2nd time the Blackhawks were in Dallas and the other was during the Avs game. Saucer barely kept herself in check but maybe, just maybe, called some bitch a fucking whore and tried to kick a stupid frat boy down the stairs at AAC. Maybe.
  • Old crush update:
    • Richie: God I'd like to punch him in the face as I make out with him. Such a pest...suck a sexy fucking pest.
    • Varly: Oh, I just want to hug him. His season was SO AWESOME to start, then his team let him down and he just went downhill. Next season will be better sweetie. (As long as Roy doesn't become coach and beat the shit out of him every day)
    • Danny B: Oh Danny Boy! He was hurt so much and now all these awful rumors/predictions that  the Flyers are going to use a compliance buyout on him. Sigh. Danny, please come to Dallas. Saucer will take care of you and you would look smokin hot in a Stars uniform.
    • Kaner: Yeah, the mullet is back (yikes) but so are his filthy passes and ridiculously sexy goals. And he even might even seem to be just slightly less grumpy than he was at the start of the season!  I will admit the Lady Byng nomination made him just slightly less appealing. Huh? You think that is weird? Well, there was something about all his drama that I found slightly endearing. Now he's all grown up and acting like Jonny-bot Part II. But if it means I can watch him get ridiculously drunk during another Cup-winning parade, well, it will be all worth it. And I am kidding (a little) and really do want Kaner to win the Lady Byng. I also want him to wear that rude, offensive shirt from Madison when he accepts the award.
  • New crush update:
    • Ok, before I say it I want everybody to shut up. Seriously, just shut up! Saucer maybe has a little crush on Alex Burrows. There, I said it. Yes, i said it in tiny font, but I said it nonetheless. My last blog post mentioned I was maybe starting to crush on Burrows but then, THEN, he had to get on freakin twitter. Yup, it's all over now.
    • Alex Galchenyuk: yeah, not so new either, is it? I think this crush may have started during World Juniors. Well, to top it off he retweeted a pic his sister had tweeted of him (damn that was confusing) and he is laughing and wearing shorts to show off those HUGE thighs. Yeah, no going back after that. It really isn't even that bad. Saucer acts like a 19 year old, so it's not even creepy, right? RIGHT??
    • Antoine Roussel: Feisty, hot, and showed more heart than anybody else on the Stars team. He's most definitely my favorite Star and really the overall Dallas favorite in the Saucer house.
    • Jamie Benn: I still think that video of Benn fighting Thornton is the hottest thing I've ever seen. When he flips his hair back...well goddamn Jamie Benn!!
So that's where we're at. Saucer is a jerk for staying off the blog but she promises to be back full time. And now that you're all caught up on her ridiculous fangirling - we can have some fun!!!


Kisses!
~ Saucer


Saturday, March 2, 2013

What a Wonderful World!!!

I must begin with a huge WELCOME BACK to Ryan O'Reilly! Just like it happened with the lockout, all my anger disappeared once he signed! In fact, I jumped over to my fantasy league as quickly as my little fingers could type and picked him up for my team. Do I think he was overpaid? Not.My.Problem.


I know my girl mizzougirl3 has to be thrilled!!

The other amazing news this week was the release of this ad for Under Armour.



We all know this blog has a fondness for Tyler Seguin's abs but now we need to add Tyler Seguin's chest, arms and thighs to that list. GodDAMN Tyler!


Kisses!
~Saucer