Thursday, September 27, 2012

Alexander Ovechkin - Washington Capitals

In preparation for the upcoming season To occupy myself during the lockout, I am going to feature one player from every team in the NHL. Goalies are excluded because they’re interesting enough to garner a feature of their own so look forward to that as round 2.

#8 Alexander OvechkinWashington Capitals HC Dynamo Moscow – Left Wing

The Past
Once upon a time there was a little Russian boy named Alexander. When he was two years old he picked up a hockey stick in a toy store and refused to let it go (or so the story goes). He grew up to be a big boy, his mom was an Olympic basketball player and his dad played professional soccer so it was no surprise he was athletic, and was so freakin good at hockey that the Panthers tried to draft him a year early claiming he was old enough due to “leap years”. I always forget that happened but whenever I remember it makes me hate the Panthers a little bit. Douchebags.

So finally it was Ovi’s draft day and, of course, he was the #1 pick in 2004. It was crappy timing because there was a lockout that season. What?? An NHL lockout??? I can’t believe that would ever happen! Eventually that lockout ended and Ovi scored two goals in his first game with the Capitals, freakin overachiever. He won the Calder and was the cover boy for NHL07.

The Love
Ovi is completely unapologetic for his partying ways and cocky attitude and I like that about him. He might not be my favorite player but I would love to drink with the guy. Buddy, next time you are in Dallas give Saucer a shout and we'll tear it up! I guarantee he can throw back some booze and hanging out with him would be a good time.

My favorite thing about Ovi is his sense of humor. I bet he was the class clown in high school and everybody wanted to be his friend. Really, I would mark my own mother's email address as spam if she sent me forwards but I would love to be Ovi's forward list. Guaranteed crude and hilarious jokes!

The commercial below is my all time favorite ESPN commercial for two reasons.

1.   I love that Ovi and Varly are wearing their gear. LOL, Varly is in the ceiling tiles in full goalie gear.  Bahahahaha!!!!
2.      Um, hello…freaking Semyon Varlamov, also known as the one I love above all others, looks beyond hot and is speaking Russian. He is so sexy I am pretty sure I blacked out the first 500 times I watched this video.

The Hate
OK, it’s not a secret that I’m a Flyers fan. I know I’m not supposed to like Evgeni Malkin, alright? I know it and I don’t like him at all when he’s on the ice. But off the ice…I kind of adore him. He just seems like such a nice guy, a gentle giant. I would totally be Malkin’s billet sister, and teach him English, do his laundry, and drive him to practice.

So anyway, there was apparently some type of feud between Ovi and Malkin for a while. Who knows how much truth there was to the whole thing but rumor has it Ovi tried to punch Malkin’s agent.  No offense to Malkin’s agent but I don’t give a shit about him. However, if Ovi did something to hurt sweet Geno that pisses Saucer off. But don’t worry, supposedly all is roses again. Well, I don’t know about roses but it’s at least good enough that they can joke around.

Let’s Get Scrappy
For being an aggressive, big dude Ovi doesn't get in many fights. The fight below was Ovi’s first fight in the league and Mike Richards gave him a nice “Welcome to the NHL” ass kicking. Aw Richie, so fucking sexy...

And if we had any doubt about Malkin & Ovechkin the “almost fight” below proves that at one point they definitely were not friends.

Feed the Inner Fangirl/Fanboy 
Ovi is pretty much a rock star. He’s cocky, rich, and doesn’t take shit from anybody. There are more pics of Ovi whoring around than Richie & Carts and that is absolutely shocking.

LOL, poor Ovi is barely conscious above. His pants are also hideous.

Yup, Ovi knows how to party! It seems he is surrounded by really hot girls in most off-ice pictures. Lucky bastard.

Let’s Mix in Some Swords
So…this pairing most definitely has nothing to do with physical appearance but everything to do with character. Alexander Ovechkin, meet your Game of Thrones Match…

They both like to party and have fun but can also be very serious.  But screw being serious, we like these guys because they are wild! They hook up with hot girls, they party like rock stars, and they are fun and cool and could give a fuck what anybody else thinks. Cheers boys!

~ Saucer

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