Thursday, August 16, 2012

Patrick Kane - Chicago Blackhawks

In preparation for the upcoming season I am going to feature one player from every team in the NHL. Goalies are excluded because they’re interesting enough to garner a feature of their own so look forward to that as round 2.
#88 Patrick Kane – Chicago Blackhawks – Right Wing/Center

The Past
I’m sorry, but if you thought I went a little too fangirl on Claude Giroux you might want to stop reading right now because I’m absolutely ridiculous over Patrick Kane. I have could probably spend many a weekend watching youtube videos of amazing Kane shootout goals, trick shots, smiles…yeah, I’m really that bad.
Patrick Kane (aka Kaner, Peekaboo) is from Buffalo, New York (GO TEAM USA!) and played for the OHL London Knights for a year before he was the #1 pick in the 2007 draft. He was snatched up by the Blackhawks and has helped to turn Chicago back into a badass hockey town. I always worry about these boys who go #1 but Kaner had a crazy first season and won the Calder Trophy because he is absolutely insane on the ice.

Look how adorable he was on draft day, so tiny and young! Oh how I wish Chicago had picked JVR and Kaner had gone #2 to the Flyers instead. Then I wouldn’t have to be so closeted regarding my Kaner love. Not that I'm really that closeted...obviously. 
The Love
Kaner is an absolute beauty and one of the most exciting players to watch. There are a lot of people who dislike him but no one can deny he is one of the best forwards in the NHL.

Amazing, right? Well, it gets better, just check out below. Absolutely sick.

And on top of all that skill, he’s adorable. There aren’t words to adequately describe how much I love the video below. Yes, I have to close my eyes during the Flyers parts, and I maybe trick my mind into believing he’s in a Flyers jersey with the Cup, but it is still the best Patrick Kane fan video ever (and there are about 100 million on youtube so that is saying a lot). So click on the damn link below - it is amazing!
The Hate
Although I adore Patrick Kane there are some things I dislike. First, I hate that he scored “the goal” to win the Stanley Cup and crushed the hopes and dreams of Flyers fans everywhere. I hate it but had to post it below because it is such a famous moment in hockey history that you can’t really talk about Kaner without mentioning it.

Second, I hate that Patrick doesn’t play for the Avalanche or Flyers.
Third, I hate that Patrick doesn’t tweet very frequently. He is @88PKane and doesn’t follow a single person. You’re missing the point Kaner, your timeline is supposed to show what other people are doing rather than just your own tweets. I also think half of his tweets are written by a PR person and not really Patrick. There is too much grammatical inconsistency to be written by one person. Yikes, that sounds really stalkerish, my apologies.
Finally, I hate Patrick’s playoff mullet and creepy beard. It was so terrible and the fact that he shaved lines in the side just made him look like a chimo. When I say sick flow Kaner, I do not mean sick in a good way. But what I hate most about it is that I didn't really hate it at all. I still loved him and thought he was sexy as hell.

Let’s Get Scrappy
Kaner has never been in a fight but I’m sure there are plenty of people who would like to be the first. He can be a bit of a show off and generally annoying. I find it endearing but I would bet many in the league would just like to kick his ass.
Feed the Inner Fangirl/Fanboy 
Kaner has a reputation for partying too much. Who cares, he’s young and rich so as long as it isn’t impacting his performance on the ice I could give a shit. But people really seem to care a lot about Kaner’s partying ways and he catches hell for it. Beddee and I were doing considerably worse things at his age than anything he’s been busted for and we turned out fine, says the closeted fangirl…
I’m not getting into the drama with the taxi driver or Wisconsin but if you want to know just google his name and both stories will pop right up. The only problem I have with either situation is that Patrick needs better friends, specifically friends who won’t sell his story to Deadspin or put embarrassing pictures on twitter.
But forget all that, I want to talk about his epic bromance with Jonathan Toews. Other than Richie and Carts (still promising they will be profiled in the future) there is no greater bromance in the league. It started when they were rookies and they played so freakin well together that the hockey world couldn’t shut up about them. It’s pretty rare to hear them referred to individually; it’s always Kane and Toews and they seemed to really embrace it. The public is led to believe they are complete opposites and damn if we don’t love when opposites attract, am I right?

The fact that they are both extra hot doesn’t hurt either. Obviously I wouldn’t be so into their little love affair if they were ugly trolls. Kaner is smokin hot (see above pics & videos) and that Johnny Toews, well I’ve loved him since he was rockin the Fighting Sioux sweater and he gets better looking every year. So yeah, the fact that there is more Hockey fanfiction dedicated to these two than any other players in the league has to mean something and that something is that they are both sexy as hell. Oh, and their over the top physical affection and inability to open their mouths without mentioning one another doesn’t hurt.
I give a lot of credit to the Blackhawks marketing dept for turning them into fan favorites and for fostering their bromance. With the Convention, hands down the best team Twitter account, Joey the Junior Reporter, and the hilarious shenanigans filmed for Blackhawks TV there is no doubt in my mind which NHL team is bogarting all the marketing geniuses. They have given us more epic Kane/Toews moments than I can mention, but the popsicle eating contest and All Star campaign videos were absolutely brilliant. The 2009 campaign videos were my favorite so check them out below.

So they are basically the most adorable guys in the world and internet darlings. The video below is so wonderful that I may have watched it 10 times in a row the first time I stumbled upon it.

So if you want to know more about the epic Kane/Toews bromance I suggest you check out the link below. After reading this I believe the girl who wrote this to be one of the most thorough and hilarious people on the planet. But I so wish she would update it to include last season. Please????
Trust me; anything I write would be completely inadequate compared to the link above so go there to read more about Kane and Toews, but be prepared to fall in love because that Patrick Kane is a real charmer.


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