Thursday, October 4, 2012

Bobby Ryan - Anaheim Ducks

In preparation for the upcoming season To occupy myself during the lockout, I am going to feature one player from every team in the NHL. Goalies are excluded because they’re interesting enough to garner a feature of their own so look forward to that as round 2.

#9 Bobby Ryan – Anaheim Ducks – Right Wing

The Past

Bobby Ryan is an adorable little Duck from New Jersey. He’s American and his birthday is St. Patty’s Day. Naturally this leads Saucer to believe he is Saint Patrick himself reincarnated, secretly a leprechaun, or some other ridiculous non-sense that only a truly delusional Irish-American hockey fangirl would believe.
Bobby Ryan was drafted 2nd overall in 2005 and has played his entire career with Anaheim.

The Love

First, I love his name. It reminds me of Ricky Bobby and I refuse to ever call him anything other than Bobby Ryan. So yes, that means every time I mention him he will be Bobby Ryan, not Bobby…not Ryan…always Bobby Ryan.
I love that he is a Team USA boy. But not only is he Team USA, he scored the first Team USA goal in Vancouver.

The Hate

I hate that Bobby Ryan isn’t a Flyer.  He’s from New Jersey and by the photo below it's safe to say that at some point he was a Flyers fan growing up.

Soooo cute Bobby Ryan, soooo cute.

But on top of being destined to be a Flyer, he doesn’t even want to play for freakin Anaheim! He basically asked to be traded earlier this year and started a shit storm of drama on Twitter with his comments. The quote was kind of weird though and it sounded more like he was just frustrated with trade rumors, but either way why the fuck didn’t Holmgren put some effort into acquiring Bobby Ryan instead of wasting sooooo much time trying to get Parise? Bobby Ryan belongs in Orange and Black!

There is one other thing I hate about Bobby Ryan. A few months ago he put on twitter that he was looking for people to play Words With Friends against and he never started a game with Saucer. Damn you Bobby Ryan, damn you. 

Let’s Get Scrappy

Let's check out three Bobby Ryan fights.

This first fight is super short, almost doesn’t count as a fight, but there are some hilarious moments. First, sit the fuck down Carrie. Second, the announcer saying Bobby Ryan looks “angelic” is just perfect.

So the fight below is a little better.

And third time’s the charm – this is a pretty damn good fight.

Feed the Inner Fangirl/Fanboy 

OK, because there are so many things I love, love, love about Bobby Ryan I decided to do a Top 3. Here you go.

Saucer’s Top Three Biggest Bobby Ryan Fangirl Moments
1    1. We already knew he was hot but check out the ad below. Holy fuck Bobby Ryan, you are freakin sexy.

      2. Bobby Ryan is on Twitter a bit, not a ton, but enough to warrant a follow. @b_ryan9 He’s nice, he interacts with fans, and he doesn’t say stupid shit. But Saucer is still somewhat pissed that he didn’t play Words With Friends with her so it isn’t all roses in Twitter world.

      3. We already established that Bobby Ryan is from New Jersey but what we didn’t mention is that he’s back home during the lockout. Yes, back home…practicing with the freakin Flyers. As if there haven’t been enough Ryan to Flyers trade rumors. But that isn’t even the good part. The good part is that Bobby Fucking Ryan is hanging out with Danny Fucking Briere.

Ryan, 25, never had met Briere and they seemed to hit it off. When their 90-minute session was over, they remained on the ice to chat for 10 minutes about the NHL lockout, other NHL players and coaches.Courier Post Online

Yeah, that is from a legit newspaper and it isn’t some creepy porno Saucer is making up in her head. Briere and Bobby Ryan are actually hanging out. But as Saucer always says, picture or it didn’t happen. It happened.

Let’s Mix in Some Swords

OK, this is one of my favorite Bobby Ryan moments EVER when Mikko Koivu steals Bobby Ryan’s stick, Bobby Ryan grabs Koivu’s stick, and Bobby Ryan scores with it. It’s strange, hilarious, and Bobby Ryan holding up the stick at the end to show Koivu what’s up is freaking beautiful.

So who would Bobby Ryan be in the world of Game of Thrones? Sorry, I hate to do this to another of my very favorite American Right Wingers, but like TJ Oshie he would be Brienne of Tarth. Now TJ was Brienne in part because of his hair but Bobby Ryan is Brienne because he tore it up with Koivu's stick just how Brienne tore it up with Jaime Lannister's sword, The Oathkeeper. Brienne is definitely a better fighter than Bobby Ryan but the cool factor of kicking ass, and rubbing it in, with Koivu's stick makes Bobby Ryan tough enough to be Brienne. 

~ Saucer

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