Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Niklas Kronwall - Detroit Red Wings

In preparation for the upcoming season I am going to feature one player from every team in the NHL. Goalies are excluded because they’re interesting enough to garner a feature of their own so look forward to that as round 2.

#55 Niklas Kronwall– Detroit Red Wings – Defense


The Past
Niklas Kronwall is from Sweden and was drafted by the Red Wings 29th overall in the 2000 draft. I’m going to admit that I hate the Red Wings more than any other team in the league and Kronwall is one of my least favorite players. So yeah, this isn’t going to be a very touchy-feely post. Thanks a lot to those of you who voted for him in my poll to determine which Red Wings player I would feature. I was hoping for the last option – which was none.

The Love
If I was a Red Wings fan, but I most definitely am not, I am sure I would think he is awesome and I would likely scream “You’ve been Kronwalled” every single time he laid a hit. But instead I think he’s a dirty player so I had better jump down to the next section before I start bashing him in the section that is supposed to be “The Love”.

The Hate

The most well known example of being Kronwalled was when Martin Havlat from the Blackhawks was knocked unconscious by Kronwall. Wow, you should really be proud dude. You knocked him unconscious. Way to go you fucking jerk.

This video is another perfect example of why I hate Kronwall. Hit to the head, seriously? Considering Brendan Shanahan overreacted about 10 billion times last season how the fuck did he miss this one??

I get it that Kronwall lays down the big hits and that it is awesome but seriously dude, at least attempt to be safe.

Let’s Get Scrappy
Considering all the monster hits it’s strange that Kronwall doesn’t actually fight. According to hockeyfights.com he hasn’t been in a single NHL fight. Weird, I wouldn’t have expected that.

Feed the Inner Fangirl/Fanboy 
This one is tough for me because I really dislike the guy. However, there are quite a few fan pictures out there so he must be a somewhat decent guy since he poses with fans a lot. Also, he looks almost sexy when he’s in normal, non-Red Wings clothes. I say almost because even the Swedish genes can’t make up for the fact that he’s a freakin Red Wing.

Let's Mix in Some Swords
Since Beddee finally convinced me to start watching Game of Thrones I've been having weird GOT/Hockey crossover in my head. I'm pretty sure Kronwall would hook up with Cersei. They are both jerks and both pretty and blonde so sex scenes would probably be relatively hot. Weird, but it would totally happen. But in my fantasy Jaime would knock his ass unconscious in a jealous rage. Sorry Kronwall, you've been Lannistered and paybacks are a bitch.

Thank god Thursday’s post is on the Nashville Predators and the always amazing Shea Weber. The Saucer fan-girling will be back in full force!


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